oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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