Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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