I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
