Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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