He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
