soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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