I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Soap is not a condiment
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize