I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
