just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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