I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
