I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
