what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
