am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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