She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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