two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
