how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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