Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
