My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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