I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
