Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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