Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize