just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
