When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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