Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
