when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
soo... how was my night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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