chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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