um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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