At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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