my vag is so smooth its legendary
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
