with your own penis?
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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