he thought i was a dude.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
