i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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