i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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