i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
