READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how drunk are you?
Several
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
