Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?