So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.