4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
someone owes me an orgasm
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is this like a preordered booty call?