our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime