Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Randomize
