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Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin