It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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