My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize