i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize