Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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