I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
another moral hangover. fuck.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
