I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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