just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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