Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
