is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
whose parrot is this?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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