dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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