Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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