just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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