At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm always down for nudity.
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