shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize