she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
