I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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