Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
