i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
