he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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