After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
