Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
