We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
