I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
